Were you recently divorced? Are you dreading upcoming holidays and children's birthdays because you may not see your kids as much as you'd like? Adjusting to a new schedule with you kids is always difficult after divorce, but it can be even more stressful during special holidays and birthdays. The special day may fall on your ex-spouse's designated day, meaning you may not get to see your kids at all. Or you may have to face your ex-spouse at an awkward birthday party. Either way, it's important that you keep the right mindset during this stressful time. Here are three tips to help you manage:
1. Remember that the best gift you can give your child is a drama-free day. Yes, it may be tempting to fight with your ex-husband about not being able to see the kids on a holiday. And you may have to resist the urge to tell off your ex-wife and her new boyfriend at your child's birthday party. However, if you do either of those things, the only thing you'll be giving your child is a painful memory. Remember to take the high road and focus on your child's needs. If you feel that you won't be able to leave the drama behind, you may want to consider making alternate plans with your child so you won't be in a stressful situation.
2. Start new traditions. Very often, divorced parents are so focused on creating consistency for their kids that they unwittingly make things uncomfortable. For example, with completely good intentions, you may try to continue your family's pre-divorce holiday traditions. However, your kids will likely understand that it's not the same because your ex-spouse isn't there. Instead of trying to recreate the past, try creating your own new traditions.
If you won't have the kids on Christmas day, perhaps you could take them on a special trip when you do have them. Maybe you can let your child have his birthday party with your ex-spouse and you and him can just have a special experience together. Consistency is good, but you don't be afraid of introducing your child to new traditions and experiences.
3. Work with your ex-spouse ahead of time. You can greatly reduce tension, drama, and stress by working out a holiday and birthday schedule with your ex-spouse in advance. You may not feel comfortable communicating with your former spouse. However, doing so will likely create a better experience for everyone. You may be able to agree on a special holiday schedule or even work out a plan for a joint party.
If you feel your ex-spouse is being unfair in sharing time with the kids, you may want to consult a divorce attorney. The attorney could help mediate a holiday agreement between you and your ex-spouse or even help you take the issue to court if the problem is serious.
To learn more, contact a law firm like Garrett & Silvey Law Firm.
